I was reading a Christian article on encouraging words for a spouse. I liked bits of the article, there were a few things I know I wouldn’t use because we aren’t Christian. I think that goes with anything you read though…take what you can use and leave the rest.
I was happy with the article until the end. (I may or may not write a post about my organized religion experience and what drove me away from the church.)
Although, I do think there is a point at which Christian advice can become damaging to a woman. Making her think that the abuse she receives from her husband is normal and that she just needs to endure it. Often times she is told to stifle her feelings and not voice them but to go to God and ask him to soften her heart towards her [abusive] husband.
If you are in a relationship where your appreciative words/actions are not reciprocated…Talk to your spouse, make little changes together, voice what each other needs, see a counselor. If NONE of this changes anything then you need to re-evaluate your relationship. A healthy relationship can only work if the work is a two way street.
DO NOT EXPECT TO BE ABLE TO CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE WITH KIND WORDS!
Trust me! I’ve been there.
I was told to turn to God, that I was just supposed to take whatever my husband dished out. When I tried to reach out to church members I was told to read the Bible and pray more. When i told them about specific instances, I was asked what i could do better to make him treat me better.
ABUSE…mental, emotional, physical is NOT OK…EVER!
*If you are in an abusive relationship, please reach out to me or your local domestic violence organization.*
Have you ever received bad advice when trying to reach out about an abusive relationship?